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  • Writer's pictureVeronica R. Wells

Are Black Men To Blame For Black Women's Insecurities?

Tyrese, as he's been known to do, made some pretty hateful comments about [Black] women in reference to beauty standards. Rapper Rah Digga said Black men need to take responsibility for the insecurity that leads us to want to alter and augment ourselves.

Tyrese and Rah Digga

I was so close to not writing about Tyrese’s latest shenanigan for MadameNoire. And really, I don’t know what convinced me to do so. I mean, at this point it’s not really news. Ever since Tyrese started using social media, he’s utilized his platform to preach to women about what they should and shouldn’t be doing. Often the advice revolves around women’s love lives and specifically why they can’t get a man, keep a man or earn a man’s respect. But this past week, he decided to switch it up a bit and discuss beauty standards.

After his words generated a bit of media attention, Tyrese deleted the picture. But the words remained in the embed code and on the internet.

Just to think this all started over dinner listening to a group of women tear down what they proudly called “#AintshitMen and said men are all stupid and will sleep with and marry damn near anything? Huh? I just feel the need to send a message to all of these “type” of ladies all races of ladies who just think Dudes are just STUPID??……. WE KNOW the difference in real hair and fake clips on’s we know eye lash extensions, we know fake hard titties pointing in 4 directions with your ribs showing in the middle? Why so much separation? We know when you got little chicken legs and it leads to and oversized #fake ass you guys are really starting to go TOO FAR with manufactured beauty – fake lips, skinny nose barely can even breathe through your own nostrils – Sitting across from you and you couldn’t even HIDE your weave tracks?? Come on……. IM NOT trying to be mean I’m just sending a message that US REAL MEN SEE THE BULLSHIT and IF He decide to rock with you it’s just cause they wanna get one off no one will EVER take you serious like that or really make that move……….. Cause you look like a manufactured clown – Some of you have convinced yourself that it’s OK cause of how many dudes be trying to get at you…… Please let me explain….. You got your temp fix and you will continue to “attract” men who ONLY want a temporary fix……. Shout to #TeamNatural #TeamSquats and #TeamTakeMeAsIAm#TeamMatureEnoughToConsiderHarshTruth because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re lonely- know this… Hoes, sluts, tramps are never without a man… You’re single cause YOU have standard and know your actual value- I had to rip out a chapter from my New York Times best selling book #MANOLOGY to let y’all know us as MEN are much more aware and smarter than some of you think…… If your beauty has been purchased that’s fine…. own it, enjoy it…. Just know that us REAL ones out here see the REAL….

Shortly, after I tweeted the story out, rapper Rah Digga responded with some truth that tickled my spirit.

But it didn’t stop there. Digga had quite a bit to say about the subject, being a Black woman and all.

Ooo wee. The Twitter streets were talking with that one. There were tons of reactions, including a couple of very defensive ones from Black men. But as the more privileged group in our oppressed minority, I’m not trying to hear from them. We know more than enough about what they think of us. I wanted to hear what other Black women had to say about Rah Digga’s analysis. So I posed the question to the women on my social media networks and here’s what they had to say.

@lolothefox: So even though it's 2017, I often question my own decision to keep following Tyrese. My naive self thought his behavior would get better after getting married but I was proven wrong. The fact that he went on a tirade against Black women for almost an entire week says a lot about his mental state and how he views the women of color in his life. But these facts are as old as his 1994 Coca-Cola commercial. Let's be real, the black women who still support his C-List career fuel the "sunken place" he and other Black men have created for the Black women they continuously trash. Tyrese and many others who aren't even celebrities or apart of the media are the epitome of those who continue to push white supremacist values under the guise of "how to get a man" or "reason 154689 you don't have a man" and sadly enough someone's cousin or auntie will still salute his ideas while wearing a lace front wig from Flatbush. I see examples of him in my own family and I know so many "strong" women who enable this type of behavior because to them it's the norm to have men (of any race) treat you like shit on the regular that you don't know whether to cry or smile. And, for some twisted reason (you know the reason that triggers you wanting to be liked so badly) you find yourself very mum, smiling, supporting and never questioning Tyrese's and other men's dissertation of patriarchal shit that you think is true.

@brookaja_a: She's absolutely correct. Now I'm not saying ALL black men but most don't uplift us, the condemn us. As black women we are always on the front line when it comes to defending and standing up for our black men, but we never get that in return. If MORE black men start uplifting us in the media, social media, in the homes, etc we will feel like we don't have to conform to what they and society make us think is beautiful. When you have black men and the culture always saying how sexy the Kardashians are then black women will stop trying to look like them. not to trash the Kardashians but EVERYTHING they do originated from a BLACK woman and they get the credit. I'm a light skin black woman and I don't know the struggles of my darker skin sister but I do empathize with them and stand with them and believe that they are beautiful. Tyrese is always giving us as black women advice he can't give us advice because I feel he has a problem deep within him. Think about it..... he's always trying to give us advice but it's men like him that are the problem. His afraid of the black woman

@mataylatte: All I want to say is.... viagra... that other little fake fade men be putting on their head to make up for lost hair and steroids... where's the lie?

@kfcismyhomie: It's a bit of both [media and BM] and it's also the two intertwined. A lot of BM have fallen for the media's propaganda about white supremacy hook line and sinker, whether unwittingly or not and project it onto BW with their assertions of what qualifies a decent BW looks wise including her hair etc. with many essentially wanting a black woman who looks as 'non black' or ambiguous as possible, as the standard.

@asweetmelodycolbert: I say this all the time, we are doing what we think our men like. If they entertained women that actually looked like our natural shelves. I married who I married because he appreciated only my natural self.

@bougiebadazz: She's right! Hates lace fronts...married someone with lace front hair texture. But okay, sir. Women just try to be what men respond to. And I'll be real...I get more attention and compliments from men in the world with 20inches sewn in than on a reg deg hair day.

@ghostwritervic: Facts. Because all the fake ish he commented on wouldn't be appealing if not only it weren't what black men seem to be attracted to, but on non-black women, but if also folks were a consistent presence in their children's lives to teach them and to provide love so some Black women wouldn't seek it from fools who don't deserve it. And I don't want to hear nothing else from his behind with his racially ambiguous wife! Not that I ever enjoyed the vomit that are his diatribes.

@nosugarnocreammagazine: umph! I didn't even think about it from the absentee perspective.

@ghostwritervic: Girl, and for all the things black men have to say about us, that's one thing they don't want to address among themselves and other brothas. Don't worry about fake hair and fake behinds when too many of y'all are running from your children.

@beenoughperiod: She could've skipped the "let it marinate" part. There's nothing to think about. When you see the men you've birthed and loved unconditionally gravitate toward women whose only understanding of the Black experience comes from their appropriation of certain physical characteristics that are inherently Black and female while simultaneously criticizing the very essence of the women to whom those traits naturally belong, insecurities will arise. Sadly, Black men don't realize it's their own insecurities that lead to this behavior. They want to play the victim while doing everything they can to make sure Black women stay beneath them. Even when they aren't perpetuating this state of affairs their silence when Black women need their support says it all.

@Caron J-Caronism: Tyrese has spent most of the last few years telling Black women we are not enough - good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough. In the grand scheme of things, he is the problem. He is a Black man who feels free to make his money from Black women while consistently diminishing our presence and contributions. There is no cure for the small minded. Small men do small things. He has the temperament of an insolent child. With that being said, one of the reasons Black women suffer and live with low esteem is the perpetual gaslighting, abandonment and other abuse we experience from the hands of Black men who claim to love us... Just not enough. Eventually, that stuff can be internalized and believed. We are not all strong enough to constantly fight and yet, it is what we are constantly asked to do.

@Donni: I wouldn't blame it solely on pop culture. I would blame it on society. Black men had to have gotten these ideologies from somewhere. Our society tells people, women in particular, how they should look and present themselves to be more acceptable or attractive to men. Feeble men, I wouldn't go as far as saying weak-minded, fall into this trap of thinking that their women have to look a certain way for THEM to be deemed a certain way. Having stature, if you will. If the women that don't have these certain attributes, European features, they go and try to obtain these features. I personally have none of the features that society has deemed attractive. My features are gaining traction on being seen as beautiful. Lol. Sad thing. Some black men are the first to make their black women feel less than. I could go on and on but this'll do. Lol

@rae_vans: I didn't comment because I ignore everything Tyrese does unless it involves singing and am so tired of Black men and their thoughts on what Black women should be... But Black men stay pissing on us (for laughs/likes on social media, to make themselves feel better, etc). But we are the first ones they call when they need help... and we come to save they crusty asses, even when "we see through the bullshit". They love the "natural you" if that consists of wavy hair and a curvy body. If you don't fit into that racially ambiguous category, you gets no love (from the Tyrese types - which is really for the best 🙏🏾) #teamnatural #justnotblacknatural 😒

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