The older I get, I am increasingly aware of the sacrifices women make, in various areas of our lives. Perhaps none of them more intense than the physical, emotional, hormonal and spiritual sacrifices women make carrying and birthing a baby. I’ve never been pregnant but I hear that giving birth changes everything. With your mind so preoccupied with taking care of a little, helpless human and your body having just brought a soul into the world, it’s not such a stretch to imagine that a woman’s sexual desire might be affected…then again, it might not. I asked several Black women about when they wanted to have sex after having a baby. Here’s what they had to say.
Nuh: 3 months
Shantel: Was about 6 months for me.
Rae: About 8 months
Ndiy: One week.
Sig: Having the interest and actually indulging in sexual intercourse are two different things. Say that to say, my interest never left.
NSNC: Did you end up waiting the recommended six weeks?
Sig: There was no 6 week recommendation for me. I had a c-section with both my children. I really can’t recall how long we waited but I don’t think it was 6 weeks.
Essie: Two weeks
Patricia: 8 months
Jacqueline: As soon after. The interest never left.
Queen: First baby: after one week. Second baby: after one month.
NSNC: Why do you think there was a difference with your second baby/delivery?
Queen: Cause I passed through more pain during the second one.
Ashley: 4.5 weeks. I was active up until the day of delivery.
NSNC: I’ve heard that helps A LOT with a smooth delivery. Did you find that?
Ashley: My daughter came out like a water slide so yes. lmao. I did all the other stretches and pelvic floor exercises too. Just casually. Mostly enjoyed my fat life and ate lots of watermelon.
Ramona: Well it has been 10 years last month and I’m still waiting.
Aria: Immediately. Had sex and was ready before the six weeks you were supposed to wait. Was expecting to go to my 6 week check up pregnant. But was pregnant five months later. Sex drive never stopped.
Jazmin: With my first…we waited 8 weeks. But I was ready to go after two. With my second, we waited a grand total of 10 days. My doctor okay’d it.
NSNC: Why do you think the second time was different?
Jazmin: I had an emergency c-section with the first and a scheduled c-section with the second. So I knew what to expect. I knew what my body would and wouldn’t be capable of. I knew to wear a bra because my boobs would leak. I knew to do it in a position that wouldn’t cause skin to skin contact on my c-section scar.
My mom, Carol: It took me a minute to get back into that and not because i didn’t want to be with my husband. But my first obligation was too my child. Slept on time. Ate on time. So when I was finished with those thoughts and plus work that was the last thing on my mind.
But after those six weeks, I had to gear myself—even though I was not— I had to put myself in that frame of mind because my husband needed me as well. So it wasn’t my thought but after being involved with it, then I came around. It’s more than just the act, it’s mental too. And if you love your partner, even though you not thinking about it right then, if he’s doing things to stimulate you, and shows you the love—not sexual love but being equally involved with his child—then you’re right there. When you find a man who loves his children, the love flows from you. It turns me on every time.