Girl, I went to a swinger’s club...in Atlanta.
I had been wanting to go but not to participate. There’s this popular one, not far from me...it’s called Trapeze.
NSNC: That’s cute!
I was with five of my friends, girls and guys. It was a holiday weekend so we were all trying to hang out. So we were at a house party and we were like, ‘Let’s go to a strip club.’ Somehow the guys that we were with ended up picking up these random girls, so at this point it’s like eight of us, including a married man who was in town visiting his friend. We wanted to go to a strip club but we said, ‘It’s a holiday weekend, they’re going to charge fifty dollars to get in and then we have to tip girls.’ So we figured this is going to cost a lot of money.
One of the guys there, who is one of my good male friends, I had had the conversation with him already about me being interested in going. He’d been before and he said, ‘I’ll go with you your first time.’ So we had already determined that we were going to go together just so he can be the guide because I had never been before and I wanted to go with somebody that I was familiar with--not to have sex. I wasn’t going to have sex with him.
So another guys decides ‘Let’s actually go to Trapeze…’ because we’ll see nude people, essentially, and it’ll be more exciting than going to a strip club. And it’s going to cost less money because it’s cheaper for couples. It was couples’ night, where you had to come as a couple. We all decided to go. And you had to be coupled up in order to go on this particular night because they don’t want a lot of single, especially single men there. We all just kind of naturally paired up.
I paired up with this guy that I knew already, who was a friend of mine but who was really a friend of my other male friend. We had hung out several times together, so I was cool with him. I’m like, ‘You’re my boyfriend for the night.’ I wasn’t really being serious but it just kind of worked out like that.
The fee was cheaper. It was only $25/person. You’re paying a membership. So you’re paying for the entire month. However, that means that you have to go with that person, every time. Which is strange to me because if it’s a swinger’s club, usually you’re going to be with other people.
When you first walk in, it’s literally just like a dingy club. The first room you can have on clothes because you don’t get to the locker room yet. So it’s literally a buffet. The buffet was amazing. We get there after midnight. They have a breakfast buffet, full on chef. Amazing. All Black people this weekend.
Yeah, I think that’s why I had a good experience because I don’t like seeing White people having sex.
I went with the intention of just watching and just kind of seeing the flow of everything. I didn’t have any intention of having sex with strangers because I am too much of a prude for that, to have sex with a stranger, I think.
The locker rooms are co-ed. You can only wear a bra and panties, lingerie, or nothing but you have a towel. Guys can’t wear anything, they just have a towel. So you have to take off all your clothes, you can’t walk around with shoes or anything. We all change and put our stuff together, they give you a lock and everything. I was kind of prepped by my friend already, ‘No one is going to touch you. This is a safe space. No one is going to touch you without asking.’
So we go back through the next room and it’s literally a free for all. Like group sex going on, which was so crazy to me. It’s like seven people on this one bed. And I’m like, I don’t even know how you guys are all connected. This is really strange to me. I’m like what’s going on? Really watching people because I just thought it was so interesting.
But then in other areas...It’s bring your own beer night, so their bartenders will make you drinks...there’s a pool table where people are playing pool.
Later, somebody recognized me. And I was like, ‘Oh my gosh!’ I think that was like my worst fear, ‘What if somebody notices me?’ Luckily, it wasn’t someone that knew me personally. She was like, ‘Oh I just saw you earlier at this other place.’ So it wasn’t too bad but even the fact that you remembered that you saw me somewhere, I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh.’
You can’t walk around by yourself if you’re a guy. So the guy who was married, he brought his wife’s male cousin, which I thought was so stupid. I didn’t realize this until after we got there. Why you bring your wife’s male cousin?
NSNC: That’s weird.
So the male cousin kept asking me and my friend, ‘Can you walk me back there because I want to see what he (his cousin’s husband) is doing?’ I was like, ‘No sir. I just feel like you shouldn’t have put yourself in this situation. I don’t want to be a part of this whole…’
NSNC: Whatever this is.
I don’t want to be a part of this. I didn’t do it but my friend ended up taking him back because you have to be escorted by a woman anywhere you go. And of course, he’s having sex with one of the girls that one of my male friends had picked up earlier in the day. And she ends up being married too!
They’re just having sex out there in the open, married man, married woman.
NSNC: Are people using condoms, or no?
Yes. And the club also had condoms everywhere. They weren’t high end condoms but they had them in bowls everywhere. They promote a safe place and they even tell you that when you first get there, pretty much you can do what you want but we promote safety.
So, I’m just kind of feeling it out. Eventually I say, ‘Let’s go to a private room’ because it was just so much. A private room finally opens up and me, the guy who was my boyfriend for the night, and my male and female friends go into this room. (They also have disinfectant for after people are finished.) It’s like one love seat type of bed. There are no windows or anything in this particular room. Me and the guy start kissing and then my two friends start kissing and I felt mad uncomfortable. It was just weird, the whole thought that two of my friends are about to have sex next to me. So I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m not really feeling that.’ I tell the guy, ‘I don’t feel comfortable in here.’ And he’s like, ‘Ok, we can go somewhere else.’
We go out and this couple comes up to me and they ask the guy if it’s ok to talk to me and then they ask me to join in. I had already been prepped that couples will come up to you and ask you if you “play.” Apparently, that’s the terminology to determine if you’re willing to be with them. I said, ‘No, this is my first time here and I’m nervous, I’m uncomfortable. I appreciate the offer, it’s really nice of you but no thank you.’ I had a few couples reach out.
We end up going from room to room but all of the rooms had a lot of people in them. Which actually wasn’t as bad--I’d rather have strangers next to me than people who I hang out with all the time. That was kind of strange to me. There was one room that had a mirror, where you could look through and look at the other room. It was a bunch of stuff...I thought it was cool! Just senses…
NSNC: That’s what I was getting ready to say, sensory overload!
It was! Even when we first got into the locker room, there was a couple having sex in the shower room. It was a White couple though and I knew it. That was the only White couple there that night. I knew that was going to happen because Black people don’t have sex in the shower. It’s a lot. It was sensory overload as soon as I got there. I’m like, ‘Yo this is a lot.’
We never really found a comfortable place but there ended up being this one area that was completely clear so I thought I don’t feel too bad here because there’s really nobody over here. We sit over there. He starts taking off what little clothes that I have on. And so, he starts eating me out. And my eyes are closed. I open my eyes and there’s like five people watching. Four guys and a girl. Literally, just standing there watching, hyping him up and stuff. I’m like, ‘This is crazy!’
Again, I never experienced it. I never had sex or any type of sexual anything in front of anybody. So I was like, ‘This is really wild!’
NSNC: But was it working for you or not?
Yes and no. I had to keep closing my eyes because I had to block them out because it made me uncomfortable. Now, I feel like if I went again, with somebody I knew, I feel like I would be a little more comfortable. But it was still a lot because one, I’m very shy about my body anyway. Now I have all these strange men looking at me. So it didn’t add to anything. I know some people, [having people watch] adds to your experience. It makes them more excited. It didn’t do that to me. It made me close my eyes again and pretend like they’re not there. It wasn’t a turn on. But I could see how it would be. I feel like if I went again, then maybe it would be. But it was my first time, and it was just so much going on.
After that, they cut the lights on because it was over. That night they closed at 3 or 4. It was just an interesting first experience going to a swinger’s club.
Even though I’ve been trying different things than I normally have, these past couple of years, I still don’t think I would ever be open to having sex with a stranger, with a complete stranger. I don’t think that I’ll ever be at the point where I feel comfortable doing that.
This year has been an interesting year.
I would actually go again with a guy I was in a relationship with...but it would also be a thing of, “Don’t try it.” Don’t even suggest that we swap or anything. I would have to have that full conversation. ‘I’m cool going but we’re just going to be together.’ You’re not going to duck off, we’re not switching with somebody else, we’re not going to do any of that.
NSNC: So interesting! I just would never think that about you.
I know. Most people don’t.